Published on September 10th, 2012 | by Jason Louv0
I Am Tiny Dog, Destroyer of Worlds
This Tiny Dog Spells the End of Days
Upon the discovery of the Higgs-Boson particle, the Gods decreed that mankind had come too far in understanding the secrets of the universe. They looked down upon the people and saw that they were a selfish lot, that they had discovered much of the manipulation of matter and energy but were sorely lacking in the wisdom necessary to use their Promethean fire. Lo, they saw the defilements of the one they called Rove, and the one they called Zuckerberg, and the workings of the cabal they called Monsanto, and wrathful did they become at the ravaging of the earth, the home they had built for their children.
And so did the Gods gather and create the Final and Ultimate Beast, the Annihilator of Lies. Dread Horus gave him Force and Fire; resplendent Shiva gave him the Eye of Destruction. From Hermes was he given total knowledge of the secrets of men; and Gaia herself gave him a heart of Compassion and Wrath for the preservation of all her creatures.
And so was this Beast set loose into the byways of the Interwebs, to wreak forth the great vengeance that mankind had brought upon itself.
And they called him Mittenbutt.
And it was good.